thebootydiaries:

friend who has read receipts on: *reads my message at 8:00 and still hasnt replied at 8:02*

me: i get it. nothing ive ever said has or ever will matter to you. i understand now how foolish i was to think our chats were pertinent, important, significant to you. i hope you have a nice rest of your life because i am finished with these mind games.

mariacallous:

tami-taylors-hair:

Oh?? My?? GAWD???

(via gabriels-gal)

noxiousea:

salsayama:

anti-clockwise-turntech:

-

celestiyal:

same energy

coniello:

the other day i was perusing the dessert options in the dining hall and this group of absolute stereotypical frat boy types were also milling around the desserts and one of them pointed to the strawberry pastries and said to the others “what’s the vibe with these, boys?” and i haven’t been able to get that sentence out of my head since

bless y’all

bonus:

(via hotboyproblems)

thejunglenook:

khaleesri:

“no homo” I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel. 

This joke is lethal

(via thebootydiaries)

teapotsahoy:

When ur like: “this show is very good.  In fact, it is too good.  I want something I can watch with 30% brain and this is a minimum 60% brain show.”

(via goldenboydean)

orriculum:

my roommate is simultaneously trying to calm down before her phone interview and psych herself up so she’s playing the animal crossing music but also striking power poses every few seconds

(via joshpeck)

chanandlebong:

Better to have mcfreakin loved and mcfreakin lost than never to have mcfreakin loved at all

(via lotrlocked)

tasmanianstripes:

sailorcuba:

why is the sims so addictive but only for a short amount of time??? like all u do is play the sims u don’t sleep u don’t eat it’s like you’re on drugs for around two days and then forget about it for the next whole year

God creating Adam and Eve then fucking off for the rest of the eternity like

(via bpdtomwambsgans)